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章节目录 14 Hanover Square(追忆似水年华)

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    HanoverSquare(追忆似水年华)

    Canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou?

    Itistrulyalifetime,Iknow.ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow,itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou,inthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare

    FromthemomentIsawyousmile,asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby.Iknew.IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou

    IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked,asIgazedatyou,thatfirsttime.Irememberwatchingyouintently,asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers.ingimmersedinyoureverydetail,asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea,gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips

    Fromthatmoment,everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome.Thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur.AllIcouldseewasyou

    AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday.Many,manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday,andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere,feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime.ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears,andIknowIwillfortme

    NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches,etyourface.Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud,terrified,asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme.Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart,andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet.Iwouldcryoutinfear,asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme.But,asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme,everythingaesilent,andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments,farfromthedeathanddestruction.ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain,thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme

    Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen,whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember,feelingbattered,bruisedandfragile.WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst.IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid“yes“tobeingmybride

    I“mlookingatourweddingphotonow,theoneonourdressingtable,nexttoyourjewellerybox.Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen.IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat,whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniform.Thephotoisoldandfadednow,butwhenIlookatit,Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth.Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou,withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls.IfIconcentratehardenough,Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoosee

    Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed,whenayearlater,yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily

    Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow,waiting

    DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasborn?Icanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow,asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms.Iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears,asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy

    SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie.Canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?Ican“tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth.Iamtryingnottocry,mylove,asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes,sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet.Shehasherhaircutshortnow,justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago.WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove,justlikeyoursusedtodo,mydarling

    Iknowyouaretired,mydear,andImustletyougo.ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso

    Aswegrewoldtogether,Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet.Butitistrue,mydarling.Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee.WhenIlookatyounow,Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesaticnexttothatsmallstream,andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree.Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever.Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere?

    Imustgonow,mydarling.Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside.Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou

    Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor,sothatIcankneelbesideyou.Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime

    Sleeppeacefullymydear

    Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme,butpleasedon“tworry.Iamcontent,knowingIwillbewithyousoon.Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou

    Iknowitwon“tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare

    Goodbye,mydarlingwife

    译文欣赏

    我们初次相遇,难道真的是六十二年前吗?

    年华似水,倏忽间我们已相携一世。望着你的眼睛,当年的邂逅历历如在昨昔,就在汉诺威广场的那间小咖啡馆里。

    从见到你的那一刻起,那一刻你正为一位年轻的母亲和她的小宝宝开门,那一刻当看到你的盈盈笑靥,我就明白我只愿与你执手携老,共度今生。

    我仍然不时想起,那天自己那样地盯着你,一定很傻;就那样情不自禁怔怔地望着你,追随你摘下小帽,用手指松了松短短的黑发,追随你把帽子放在桌前,双手捧起暖暖的茶杯,追随你微撅樱唇,轻轻吹走飘腾的热气,我的目光始终追随着你,感觉自己在你的温柔举止间慢慢融化。

    从那一刻起,一切似乎都鲜明了意义。咖啡馆里的来来往往和外面闹市的熙熙攘攘忽然都模糊了起来,我眼里能看到的,只有你。

    光阴似箭,那一天却不断在我的记忆里重演,鲜活如初。多少次我再次坐下,不断追忆那天的点滴,不断回味那些飞纵的瞬间,重新体会一见钟情的美丽。岁月的流逝却并没有带走我的爱恋感觉,这些体验会永远伴随我,安抚我的寥寥余生。

    即使是当我在战壕中控制不住地颤抖,我也不曾忘记你的容颜。我蜷缩在稀泥中,身边是枪林弹雨,弥漫硝烟,我把步枪紧紧地攥在胸前,一颗惊恐不安的心,还是想起了我们初识的那一天。身旁战火呼啸,恐惧让我想要大声呼叫,直到想起你,仿佛见到你在我身后盈盈浅笑,战场忽然沉寂下来,在这珍贵的瞬间,我觉得自己暂时远离了毁灭和死亡,飞向你的身旁。我拼命想留住这美好,直到睁开眼,周围却依然是血与火的生死战场。

    九月休假回到你身边,我疲惫而脆弱,没能再告诉你战火纷飞时我对你的爱有多深。我们只能紧紧拥抱在一起,仿佛要把对方挤碎。也就在那天,面对我的求婚,你深深凝望我的眼睛,答应做我的新娘,而我早已欢喜地大喊大叫。

    我现在正看着我们的结婚照片,总是放在妆台上的那张,就在你的首饰盒旁。那时候,我们多么年轻,多么纯真。我记得我们站在教堂的台阶上,开心得像一对甜蜜的鸳鸯,你还说我穿着制服多么英武俊朗。照片已经旧得泛黄了,但我看到的,却只有当年青春的明媚姿彩。我仍然记得你母亲为你做的那件新娘礼服,那些精致的花边和漂亮的珠饰。让我再想一想,我还能闻到那婚礼花束的甜香,你那么骄傲地捧着花,让每一个人分享你的幸福时光。

    一年后,你轻轻地把我的手放到你的腹前,对着我的耳朵悄悄透露这个让我欣喜若狂的好消息:我们就快有宝宝啦。

    我知道我们的孩子都深深地爱你,他们现在就在门外等候。

    你还记得乔纳森出生的时候我那手足无措的慌张样子吗?当我笨拙地把他抱在怀里,我还记得你笑话我的样子,我看着他,我们都情不自禁地迸出了开心的泪花。

    今天早晨撒拉和汤姆带着小缇西也赶到了。你还记得吗?第一次看到这个可爱的小孙女,我俩高兴地紧紧拥抱。真让人难以相信,她下个月就八岁了。亲爱的,我不得不忍住眼泪告诉你,小家伙今天穿着漂亮的裙子,闪亮的红色小鞋,让我立刻想起当年相遇时的你,连她的短发也像极了年轻的你。当我在门口看到她的时候,她的笑容暖人心脾,这竟然也和你一模一样。

    我明白,亲爱的,你累了,我应该让你离开。可是爱人即逝,孤侣何伤!

    这些年我们相濡以沫,白首到老,我总是逗你说你的容颜依然如昔。可这是真的,亲爱的,我真的见不到他人眼里的皱纹和白发。现在我望着你,也还是只能看到你娇嫩温柔的红唇和秋水流盼的眼眸,仿佛我们第一次在那条小溪边野餐,在那棵巨大的老橡树旁追逐嬉戏。那时候我们刚刚在一起,总是盼望那样的日子生生世世,你还记得吗?那些日子是多么激情荡漾,让人不忍回首……

    亲爱的,我应该走了。孩子们都等在外面,他们要和你道别。

    我擦去了眼角的泪,跪在你的身边,轻轻靠近你,握住你的双手,最后一次吻你。

    亲爱的,安心地睡吧。

    这分离扯碎了我的心。别担心,我很快就会来陪伴你。生死茫茫,尘世间没有你,这满腔的衷肠凭谁倾诉?这只影的寂寥复有何欢?

    很快,我们就能在汉诺威广场的那间小咖啡馆里再相逢。

    再会了,我的爱妻。

    ——摘自可可英语
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